Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day--Remembering You Through Botticelli


ART THROUGH THE AGES

Thirty-two roses,
pink ones, to our first bed you
brought, scattering them

over the deep teal
percale. Ultramarine means
beyond the sea
, you

(E-mail me for the rest of this, if you're interested...)

(For Harvey, 5/30/2011)
!-- AddThis Button BEGIN -->

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sunday, May 22, 2011

New Project and a Poem, New to Me


The work starts today--the hard work, the life's work, the work of hands and eyes and ears and breath. And they say delivering children is hard? This labor for me is much, much harder.

I'll leave you with a little Atwood:

The Loneliness of the Military Historian

Confess: it’s my profession
that alarms you.
This is why few people ask me to dinner,
though Lord knows I don’t go out of my way to be scary.
I wear dresses of sensible cut
and unalarming shades of beige,
I smell of lavender and go to the hairdresser’s:
no prophetess mane of mine,
complete with snakes, will frighten the youngsters.
If I roll my eyes and mutter,
if I clutch at my heart and scream in horror
like a third-rate actress chewing up a mad scene,
I do it in private and nobody sees
but the bathroom mirror.

In general I might agree with you:
women should not contemplate war,
should not weigh tactics impartially,
or evade the word enemy,
or view both sides and denounce nothing.
Women should march for peace,
or hand out white feathers to arouse bravery,
spit themselves on bayonets
to protect their babies,
whose skulls will be split anyway,
or, having been raped repeatedly,
hang themselves with their own hair.
These are the functions that inspire general comfort.
That, and the knitting of socks for the troops
and a sort of moral cheerleading.
Also: mourning the dead.
Sons, lovers, and so forth.
All the killed children.

Instead of this, I tell
what I hope will pass as truth.
A blunt thing, not lovely.
The truth is seldom welcome,
especially at dinner,
though I am good at what I do.
My trade is courage and atrocities.
I look at them and do not condemn.
I write things down the way they happened,
as near as can be remembered.
I don’t ask why, because it is mostly the same.
Wars happen because the ones who start them
think they can win.

In my dreams there is glamour.
The Vikings leave their fields
each year for a few months of killing and plunder,
much as the boys go hunting.
In real life they were farmers.
They come back loaded with splendour.
The Arabs ride against Crusaders
with scimitars that could sever
silk in the air.
A swift cut to the horse’s neck
and a hunk of armour crashes down
like a tower. Fire against metal.
A poet might say: romance against banality.
When awake, I know better.

Despite the propaganda, there are no monsters,
or none that can be finally buried.
Finish one off, and circumstances
and the radio create another.
Believe me: whole armies have prayed fervently
to God all night and meant it,
and been slaughtered anyway.
Brutality wins frequently,
and large outcomes have turned on the invention
of a mechanical device, viz. radar.
True, valour sometimes counts for something,
as at Thermopylae. Sometimes being right—
though ultimate virtue, by agreed tradition,
is decided by the winner.
Sometimes men throw themselves on grenades
and burst like paper bags of guts
to save their comrades.
I can admire that.
But rats and cholera have won many wars.
Those, and potatoes,
or the absence of them.
It’s no use pinning all those medals
across the chests of the dead.
Impressive, but I know too much.
Grand exploits merely depress me.

In the interests of research
I have walked on many battlefields
that once were liquid with pulped
men’s bodies and spangled with exploded
shells and splayed bone.
All of them have been green again
by the time I got there.
Each has inspired a few good quotes in its day.
Sad marble angels brood like hens
over the grassy nests where nothing hatches.
(The angels could just as well be described as vulgar
or pitiless, depending on camera angle.)
The word glory figures a lot on gateways.
Of course I pick a flower or two
from each, and press it in the hotel Bible
for a souvenir.
I’m just as human as you.

But it’s no use asking me for a final statement.
As I say, I deal in tactics.
Also statistics:
for every year of peace there have been four hundred
years of war.

Margaret Atwood, “from Morning in the Burned House

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Patti Smith - Horses (full studio version)



This song gave me a visceral understanding, of voice and of imagery. I didn't know anything about poetry except for spondee and trochee and versification. I knew that there was something wrong with what I was writing; I knew that my poems were about as passionate as wallpaper paste, and about that toothsome. "Horses" gave me the French Symbolists and the beat and the blood jet. It let me put the body into the body of my work.

Thank you, Patti Smith, for showing me what it means to have the top of your head torn off when you're 23 years old. (I didn't find this song till I was an adult; it would have probably cataleptized me as an adolescent).

Friday, May 20, 2011

Single


singleton, single one
dollar bill in your jeans
front pocket, it's change
only after you break it

For reasons that are private, I am single again. I'm not too sad about it. The dating was fun, and the gifts were fun, and the kissing was fun, and I'll always remember you, Flynn. Be happy. Be healthy. Be my friend if you want, in a few months. Right now, I don't want to talk about anything--families, babies, old flames--but poetry. And shoes. And recipes. And anything but why.



Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Road Trip Food: Salted Caramels



Salted Caramels (kitchenette/motel version)

1 can Eagle Brand milk
1 cup brown sugar
1 tbsp Karo syrup (I used the light version)
1 stick + 1 tablespoon butter
Sea salt

1, Combine ingredients 1 through 4 in a microwave-safe bowl.
2. Microwave for 5 minutes; stir.
3. Microwave for 5 minutes again; stir again.
4. Microwave for 5 minutes (or so); stir again. (I don't think you necessarily have to do this more than twice; you'll know by the color whether to include the third cook and stir).
5,. Pour into greased glass dish and refrigerate for two hours. (I covered mine).
6, Top with sea salt.
7. Slice.
8. Swoon in ecstasy.

I promise you these will be delicious. This is just as easy as hand-stirred chocolate mousse.

_____
UPDATE: Sorry about the typos in the first version of the recipe. I was still under the influence of anesthesia. I had outpatient surgery today (2 biopsies). One is benign. The other one is still at the pathology office. I won't know till Thursday or Friday what the results are. Keep me in your thoughts as I resolve to stay calm, collected, and quiet. (I don't think cool is in my repertoire).

Nathan Milstein plays Beethoven Kreutzer Sonata (1st Mov.)

Happy Anniversary, Kreutzer Sonata, first performed this date in in 1803...This is one of my favorite Beethoven pieces.




Monday, May 16, 2011

Rumi for Monday


How I love this, how I wish I still loved this way...

THE SILENT ARTICULATION OF A FACE

Love comes with a knife,
not some shy question,
and not with fears
for its reputation!

I say these things disinterestedly.
Accept them in kind.

Love is a madman, working his wild schemes, tearing off his clothes,
running through the mountains, drinking poison,
and now quietly choosing annihilation.

A tiny spider tries to wrap an enormous wasp.
Think of the spiderweb woven across the cave
where Muhammad slept!

There are love stories,
and there is obliteration into love.

You've been walking the ocean's edge,
holding up your robes to keep them dry.
You must dive naked under and deeper under,
a thousand times deeper!

Love flows down!!
The ground submits to the sky and suffers
what comes.

Tell me, is the earth worse
for giving in like that?
Don't put blankets over the drum!
Open completely.
Let your spirit-ear listen to the green dome's passionate murmur.

Let the cords of your robe be untied.
Shiver in this new love beyond all above and below.

The sun rises, but which way
does night go?

I have no more words. Let soul speak with the silent
articulation of a face.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Song of Songs 5:16: For Harvey


Ten months today. I don't have words for what I want to tell you.

I brought roses to take to the Japanese garden in Murray, where some of your ashes are, but I gave them away to a graduating student who looked so sad. (Perhaps she didn't have any family to mark the occasion with her). You'd like that better than them adorning the earth, wouldn't you?

I cried all last evening when Raleigh left for the dance, beautiful in her strapless dress and fawnlike in her stilettos (oh the grace of a girl new to heels, that girl you didn't get to see pass me in height).

I want to be with you so badly lately. I fight every day against the impulse to just fall down.

Here's how I feel about it, anyway:

Imaginary Gardens with Real Deaths in Them, Or, Here Lies Pamela

flat on my back, in grass, (child’s bed,
matelassé quilt); white roses, clipped,
wait in wet newsprint beside me

(scent of them infusing the want
ads, the black hems of obituaries);
your old hat covers my face.

(poof! I have restructured the lins).



Friday 13th

List of things not to replicate on Saturday the 14th:

1. Flat tire. Cry from frustration.
2. Sticker shock at the replacement of tires. Cry from money going there that should have gone here.
3. Tenants not paying rent for the third month in a row. Cry because you're going to have to ask them to pay up or move.
4. Pants on the ground while cutting roses. Cry tears of embarassment at showing your red satin derriere to the neighbor who's mowing.
5. More rain. Cry to match the weather.
6. Having first (and maybe final) fight with boyfriend. Cry from 11:45 a.m. on and off till 11:59 p.m.
7. Cry because your eyes hurt from grading papers.
8. Cry because you're afraid that you'll be alone forever and ever and ever, except for the cat box, which like the Force will always be with you.
9. Cry because you miss Harvey seeing how beautiful Raleigh looks as she goes to the formal dance.
10. Lather, rinse, repeat. Get shampoo in your eyes and cry some more.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Julian Barnes, Julian Barnes, Julian Barnes

"Of all our senses, it is the one with the broadest application, from a brief impression on the tongue to a learned aesthetic response to a painting. It is also the one that most describes us. We may be better or worse people, happy or miserable, successful or failing, but what we are, within these wider categories, how we define ourselves, as opposed to how we are genetically defined, is what we call ‘taste’. Yet the word — perhaps because of its broad catchment area — easily misleads. ‘Taste’ can imply calm reflection; while its derivatives — tasteful, tastefulness, tasteless, tastelessness — lead us into a world of minute differentiations, of snobbery, social values and soft furnishings. True taste, essential taste, is much more instinctual and unreflecting. It says, Me, here, now, this, you. It says, Lower the boat and row me ashore. Dowell, the narrator of Ford Madox Ford’s The Good Soldier, says of Nancy Rufford: ‘I just wanted to marry her as some people want to go to Carcassonne.’ Falling in love is the most violent expression of taste known to us."

_____
Oh, Julian Barnes, this is why I would make you tea and feed you scones and some very delicious salted caramels.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Emily D. and The Odyssey: Hubris


#260

I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you – Nobody – too?
Then there's a pair of us?
Don't tell! they'd advertise – you know!

How dreary – to be – Somebody!
How public – like a Frog –
To tell one's name – the livelong June –
To an admiring Bog!

++++++++++++
Book IX, The Odyssey

So then,
once the wine had addled Cyclops’ wits,
I spoke these reassuring words to him:

'Cyclops, you asked about my famous name.
I’ll tell you. Then you can offer me a gift,
as your guest. My name is Nobody.
My father and mother, all my other friends—
they call me Nobody.'

(lines 406-411)

But my warrior spirit did not listen.
So, anger in my heart, I yelled again:

‘Cyclops, if any mortal human being
asks about the injury that blinded you,
tell them Odysseus destroyed your eye,
a sacker of cities, Laertes’ son,
a man from Ithaca.’

(lines 660-666)
___________

Coincidence? Methinks not.

Monday, May 09, 2011

Mother's Day: A Dozen Roses from Dan



Today, the roses have deepened to saffron, and their scent is so wonderful. I am so grateful to have roses from Dan, a dress from Raleigh (beautiful brown jungle print), and love from and for both of them. I often don't post how big a blessing Dan and Raleigh have been for the last 26-1/2 and 14 years, respectively. I love you two!


Sunday, May 08, 2011

Lonely and...



Sad. Sad. Sad and full of a melancholy that has no word in English. La Vie en Noir is as close as I can translate. Or maybe La Vie en Blanc. I feel as though I'm drowning under a layer of correction fluid. Le Mourir du Wite-Out, perhaps.

Here's some Ahkmatova; she says it better than I do.

Like a white stone in a well’s depths,
a single memory remains to me,
that I can’t, won’t fight against:
It’s happiness – and misery.

I think someone who gazed full
in my eyes, would see it straight.
They’d be sad, be thoughtful,
as if hearing a mournful tale.

I know the gods changed people
to things, yet left consciousness free,
to keep suffering’s wonder alive still.
In memory, you changed into me.


Friday, May 06, 2011

High five for first kiss (original)



If this doesn't move you, something is wrong with your tear ducts. See an ophthalmologist immediately.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Platform Piece




"When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stone-cutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it would split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before together."

Jacob A. Riis, journalist and social reformer (1849-1914)

_____

To The Stone-Cutters--Robinson Jeffers

Stone-cutters fighting time with marble, you foredefeated
Challengers of oblivion
Eat cynical earnings, knowing rock splits, records fall down,
The square-limbed Roman letters
Scale in the thaws, wear in the rain. The poet as well
Builds his monument mockingly;
For man will be blotted out, the blithe earth die, the brave sun
Die blind and blacken to the heart:
Yet stones have stood for a thousand years, and pained thoughts found
The honey of peace in old poems.
______




Hit there till you get there.

Sit there till you get there.
_____

Sunday, May 01, 2011

May Day and I Offer Up an Ampersand



In third grade, we made baskets for May Day, construction paper cutout baskets spilling construction paper cutout flowers--white and yellow daisies and pink roses and red zinnias and purple tulips--and their stems were sea green (a color I only knew from my crayon box), and Mrs. Gladys Hendrix the world's best teacher liked my basket and took one of my cutout tulips home with her, and I loved her for it, and since then I have known that to be a teacher can save someone else's life (and she saved mine, the year of Mr. Munday), and I know that there are too many ands in this sentence, as Mrs. Gladys Hendrix taught me about conjunctions and taught me about commas and taught me that punctuation gives sentences personality, and she did it all the year she saved my life and I hope that someday I can repay her by doing the same for a student, and there are so many ands in this sentence because she took all the buts away and made me see that someday I would be an ampersand girl and there would be happiness someday and there would be no snippiness from other girls because of my two dresses and my one pair of shoes, and I would be pretty and smart and kind some day, and someone else would see it besides her and no one would ever ever hurt me again, and it was all true and