PS From My Favorite Elementary School Teacher

Children's Science Exam Answers.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
PS I thought this was a singing group!


Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
PS Glad to know that flirtation keeps our waiter (sic) safe.


Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
PS And if the sun shines on a mountain, then we have...

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this !)
A: Keep it in the cow.
PS This gives Bart's "Don't have a cow, man!" a whole new meaning.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends
to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
PS Ask Galileo

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
PS What would transcontinental involve? I take that back, I don't want to know.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
PS NO COMMMENT.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
A, E, I, O, and U.
PS Maybe it's INTERCONSONANT...

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
PS And the tibia would be a small tib...

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
PS Lit by Roman candles?

Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.
PS This cannot be improved.

Q: What does the word " benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
PS Bedamned if I can improve on this one, either.