I have a favorite poem--"I Knew a Woman," by Roethke. Occasionally, I cheat on it with "Crusoe in England." (My only monogamous commitments are to my husband and Milky Way candy bars).
Well, at least I still have a Milky Way in the house. It's in my freezer, unless the daughter has eaten it (which would make me kind of happy). It was the last candy bar Harvey bought for me, and I left it there instead of eating it on the way to Sewanee last summer.
Giving away Harvey's stuff--light box, paintbrushes, Mars Staedtler pens, kiln, clothes--is so hard. I know that some day (when Raleigh marries, when Dan marries, when I sell this house), bigger losses will ensue. I'm not good at letting go, and I've discovered that I'm not good at alone, either. Although I love to spend time by myself, I don't want to BE by myself, and Raleigh's leaving scares me. (I miss Dan but am glad he and Amy are on their own). When Raleigh goes in four years and it's just the cat and me, then What will I do? Where will I be? (May Sarton's "Question" comes to mind).
I don't do alone very well. (I do not do, I do not do....Shades of Sylvia, who didn't do alone very well, either, but for different reasons).
I think I'm going to go search for that frozen Milky Way. Or at least go outside and look at the stars.
_______
When I heard the learn'd astronomer,
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,
When I was shown the charts, the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,
When I sitting heard the learned astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture room,
How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,
Till rising and gliding out I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.
Walt Whitman
3 comments:
I was unaware of your blog, therefore that your man died. I'm so sorry, please accept condolences from me, a stranger. OK?
NOW...if you leave those Milky-Ways in the refrig, did you go outside to look UP at the Milky Way? that was my question as I read this post. Tomorrow, I'll have time to go further into your archives and see what happened.
He may just be one of those visible 'stars'..God bless you!
My daughter ate the Milky Way a few weeks before she had her braces put on. I'm glad she did!
I went outside and looked up in perfect silence at the stars, just as Walt suggests. It helped. It didn't heal but it helped. And the cold clarifies something in my mind.
I don't do alone well either; fortunately for both of us, I've got good directions to your kitchen.
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