Until the end of the month, it really helped me to take the time to post gratitude journal items. I really liked recounting how many good things I have found in my life. They don't defray the loss of Harvey, which I don't think will ever be lessened, but they do give me a reason to continue to go forward.
GRATITUDE JOURNAL: The top five entries.
1. Harvey's journals. He did love me. He did. (Sally Field moment).
2. All poetry. It is the god head, the god speak, the god spell. It is praise, serious praise. That's the way I understand who God is: He created the universe by speaking it into existence. He sent his Son the Word to show us how to love and to live in love. His Son the Word sent the Spirit as comforter and intercessor to speak for us in the words we don't know we have. I feel that poetry parses those words for us.
3. My children who love me. They know me and my bad temper and tears and tirades better than anyone else, and they love me nonetheless.
4. My friends who love me. See above. Plus they hear my secrets except #5, about whom I have never really talked before. I guess I am outing myself, but here goes:
5. Flynn. I am very happy to have you, o boyfriend who is sexy and silly and serious in the fact that you're not afraid of your feelings. I'm afraid of your feelings--and of my own. This is way too fast for me.
Thank you, family and friends. Thank you, Flynn the Red. Thank you, Poetry. Thank you, Master of the Universe. Thank you, Harvey, for writing it down, for drawing it out, for making sure I'd find it.
Without all of you, I might have had a pulse, but I know I wouldn't be alive. I'm still afraid of April 29.
Love to you all,
Pamela
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